Today is the last day of October - 31st October 2008 . First of all,

HAPPY HALLOWEEN ! !

Well, to be honest, i'm blogging now because i'm so damn bored and shag . I'm not doing my tutorials tonight, definitely not . How could i ? When people are all dressed up partying on Halloween at ZOUK . Okay, i'm jealous, i envy them, i wish i could do the same too . But it's just . . . i can't . I don't wanna upset him . If you were to ask me if this sacrifice is neccessary, truth be told, i have no idea . 

I wake up every morning, telling myself to focus, i can't do this, i can't do that . Am i literally forcing myself to comply with your words ? For i don't want to upset someone who cares so much for me . You meant good, i know it all, but i can't help but to compare things . I don't feel good when you talked about my friends . Yes, i have my past, my friends ain't good, but not all are bad . I have friends too, male friends . And right now whenever i wanna go out with my male friends, it's not my family that's the issue, you've become the biggest issue . I can go out with male friend, i can go out with male friendsss, i can go to whatever places i like with them and people can spread the worse rumours, but my heart will stick with you . Shouldn't you try to give some trust to me . . . I'm starting to feel cramped up, locked up, like there's a big heavy stone sitting on me and i can hardly move nor breathe . No lies, but this is the biggest fear i'm having be it before, now or future . That is the exact reason why . . . i was so reluctant to enter into a relationship . Then i met you, and i convinced myself to this chance i have with you . Don't prove me wrong about this chance i decided on, please .

Blasting my speakers again, full bass with 5 bars of volume enough to vibrate the entire table, but it seems like music doesn't cure me as much anymore . Changed from R&B to techno, it's been real long since i tuned in to techno . 

Okay, so today i had a three hours break, went to met up with PolyTalks EricSng, had lunch together, and i insisted to treat him lunch because he just had his 20th birthday two days ago and his family didn't do anything about it . So i hope this meal could make him happier . Nothing else happened, nothing that i could talked about anymore ? 

The feeling came back, the one i avoided and kept it hidden for almost two years . It came back . . .